3:29 AM on Monday, November 30. 2009
Life is what you make it
It's late, and I'm tired. I really feel like I should be posting art stuff in this blog, but life is art, isn't it? When you live an observant, artistic lifestyle, isn't everything you do artistic?
That's my excuse, anyway.
Today I made a revelation. I was reading the blog of Cat's and mine, and about his happy new life with his happy new wife. I was envious of their life and the beauty and fun in it. It's true that we don't know each other well and all I know about them is what I see on facebook, read in emails and see on their blog, but it all looks so sparkling and wonderful.
Later on, Cat and I took a walk because it was so warm out. It was in the 50s! I barely needed a coat (but I wore one anyway). And, like so many times before, I turned to him and asked, "Are you happy with your life?"
"Yeah," he answered, "but you don't seem so sure lately."
That's true. I really focus on the negative and let the good stuff fall by the wayside. It's almost as if I'm secretly trying to sabotage my own life. Like I unconsciously want to fail. If I have a great day, and then one bad thing comes along, I instantly forget the good stuff and zoom in on the bad thing. Why do I do that? Am I the only one?
And I realized also that, when I look at other people's lives, I get envious and start comparing my life with how I perceive their life. I can only see the happiness they're showing the outside world, and I take that and compare it to the negativity that I'm holding onto. Of course my life is going to fail miserably in that comparison.
So when Cat said that tonight, I realized that I need to look at my life by itself. I need to appreciate and love all the good things in my life. The moment I compare my life to another person's, it loses all its specialness. Just live and love.
After that, my day got amazing. We had such fun rearranging the furniture for the Christmas tree, getting out the decorations, setting up the funny old artificial tree, playing DDR (well, Ok, I watched), reading together, having a great dinner, and laughing, snuggling and chatting in bed until bed time. I love my husband and my life.
That's my excuse, anyway.
Today I made a revelation. I was reading the blog of Cat's and mine, and about his happy new life with his happy new wife. I was envious of their life and the beauty and fun in it. It's true that we don't know each other well and all I know about them is what I see on facebook, read in emails and see on their blog, but it all looks so sparkling and wonderful.
Later on, Cat and I took a walk because it was so warm out. It was in the 50s! I barely needed a coat (but I wore one anyway). And, like so many times before, I turned to him and asked, "Are you happy with your life?"
"Yeah," he answered, "but you don't seem so sure lately."
That's true. I really focus on the negative and let the good stuff fall by the wayside. It's almost as if I'm secretly trying to sabotage my own life. Like I unconsciously want to fail. If I have a great day, and then one bad thing comes along, I instantly forget the good stuff and zoom in on the bad thing. Why do I do that? Am I the only one?
And I realized also that, when I look at other people's lives, I get envious and start comparing my life with how I perceive their life. I can only see the happiness they're showing the outside world, and I take that and compare it to the negativity that I'm holding onto. Of course my life is going to fail miserably in that comparison.
So when Cat said that tonight, I realized that I need to look at my life by itself. I need to appreciate and love all the good things in my life. The moment I compare my life to another person's, it loses all its specialness. Just live and love.
After that, my day got amazing. We had such fun rearranging the furniture for the Christmas tree, getting out the decorations, setting up the funny old artificial tree, playing DDR (well, Ok, I watched), reading together, having a great dinner, and laughing, snuggling and chatting in bed until bed time. I love my husband and my life.
My life is art. When I dream, my imagination flies, and when I wake, it tells its story on paper with pen. And when I look out a window, I see endless possibilities. But I have a long way to go still on my journey through the clouds of art and imagination. Won't you join me?
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